


Wrong number

by imera



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 11:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3444914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imera/pseuds/imera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Bilbo wanted to do was go to bed, but then somebody called, and that changed the rest of his night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrong number

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yeaka RC (yeaka)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/gifts).



Bilbo Baggins sat in his best chair, drinking his best tea in his best cup. The telly was playing in the background, the sound loud enough for him to listen to the show, but not loud enough to annoy him as he was reading his newspaper. The old grandfather clock in the hallway ticked, preparing itself for the several dongs which would inform Bilbo that it was ten, and soon time to go to bed.

He was perfectly fine living by himself, in his childhood home, doing exactly what he wanted when he wanted it.

However, that night was different. Some minutes past eleven his phone rang. It was a curious thing, hearing it ring at such a time, and his mind quickly searched for a person who might do such a thing. None of his neighbours would, as none seemed to really care for him, but also because he lived in a respectable neighborhood where they simply didn’t do such things.

Not wanting to be rude he pulled up the telephone handset and answered as politely as always.

“Hello?” In the background he heard loud party music, people shouting and laughing, sounding like they had a great time.

“Hello, Gandalf?” the stranger asked.

“No, I’m sorry, this is not Gandalf,” Bilbo replied, somehow relieved it was the wrong number.

“Then get him on the phone,” the stranger demanded.

“I’m sorry, Gandalf does not live here, you have the wrong number.” The stranger must either not have heard him, or simply not cared, as he continued to demand that Bilbo should get Gandalf. He was about to inform him again that there was no Gandalf living at that address when the stranger began to argue with someone at the party. Then, right before Bilbo was to put down the headset someone else picked up the phone, and he could hardly be rude and hand up while someone was talking to him, so he kept the headset to his ear.

“You better tell Gandalf he should get his old ass down here, we’re having a blast.”

“I’m telling you what I told your friend, Gandalf does not live here.”

“Did he move?” the stranger continued, sounding confused. “But this is the number he gave us, Gandalf would never give us the wrong number.”

“Well, maybe you called the wrong number.” 

“Oh,” he said, seeming to understand. “You know, you have a nice phone voice, what’s your name?” Bilbo was getting tired, but he was too polite not to answer.  
“Bilbo,” he replied.

“Well, Bilbo,” the stranger continued, his voice changing slightly. “Do you have a wife?”

“No,”

“A girlfriend?”

“No.”

“A boyfriend?”

Bilbo’s body felt warmer than before, his head feeling like it was filled with hot air. Realising he was silent for too long he quickly replied, his voice breaking slightly. “No.”

He could only imagine what the stranger on the phone must be thinking.

“How old are you?”

“I don’t understand why you need to know that.”

“Yeah, it’s not that important, I don’t care how old the bloke is.” Bilbo thought he knew what the stranger was talking about, but refused to accept it, even if his body felt warmer than it had before.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Where do you live?”

Again Bilbo knew the best thing was to refuse to answer and hang up, but he was too nice to do so and replied, giving them the city, not his address, just in case.

The stranger laughed and said something Bilbo didn’t understand, and just as he was about to say goodnight to the drunk stranger someone else answered, that time someone with a dark and silky voice. He could hear the second stranger say something nasty to the third stranger, something Bilbo hoped to forget, before the third stranger started talking.

“Hello, is this Gandalf?” he demanded, his voice far from as kind as the first two, but it had something else, something Bilbo couldn’t quite place.

“No, as I’ve told your friends, Gandalf does not live here.”

“Why not?” Bilbo rolled his eyes and sighed, annoyed at their inability to listen. 

“You’ve called the wrong number.” The third stranger was quiet for a few seconds, then he apologised and hang up the phone without saying goodbye, or goodnight, or anything similar.

The last man was rude, and Bilbo almost longed for the second. However, it didn’t matter as they were finally done, and Bilbo could return to his schedule. Looking at the clock he cringed at how late it was, but chose to stay calm.

He brushed his teeth, washed his face, changed into his pyjamas, and went to bed where he lay reading a book until half past eleven.

He didn’t fall asleep at once, finding the excitement of the wrong number call too great to forget it at once. It wasn’t long after he started dozing off that he was awoken by his doorbell. Looking at the clock he realised it was slightly past midnight, and wondered who would be calling that late. Not about to be rude, so he put on his robe and went down, and when he opened the door he was shocked to see thirteen men standing outside his front door. Some were tall, others short, some thin, others, well, it wasn’t kind thinking it, but at least one looked like he was double as big as the the rest.

“Can I help you?” Bilbo asked politely.

“It’s him!” one called. Looking into the direction of the voice Bilbo saw a handsome blond man jumped up and down trying to see above the head of the one standing in front of him. His voice was familiar and Bilbo recognised him as the second stranger from the phone. “I knew we shouldn’t stop after the first two wrong Bilbo’s.” Bilbo was shocked by what he heard, surely the strangers hadn’t woken up others at that strange hour.

His mind was quickly pulled back to his situation when one of the men walked past him into his home, without asking, barely avoiding crashing into Bilbo so hard he would have fallen over. “Wait a minute, what are you doing?” Bilbo asked him. The rest of the men seemed to follow the example of the first and enter before Bilbo could stop any.

Turning back to the door he realised not everyone had rudly entered his home, as one man was standing alone outside.

“I tank you for your hospitality,” the stranger, who Bilbo recognised as the third stranger, replied, his face as gorgeous as bilbo imagined it would have to be. Bilbo’s knees felt weak and he feared his voice would break if he tried to speak, so he kept it shut as he stared at the stranger.

“I see you fancy him, bummer, I was hoping I had a chance,” the second stranger said from behind Bilbo, not looking as sad as Bilbo would have been had he been the man. “Once you get used to his sour mood he’s quite fun to hang with,” he continued before he left them, joining his friends in the living room. Bilbo’s face felt hotter than it had ever been, luckily the stranger didn’t remark on it.

The stranger smiled slightly as he walked past Bilbo, and as he was the last of them Bilbo closed the door, wondering what he was supposed to do with thirteen strange men in his house after midnight, one of whom he quite fancied.


End file.
